06 July 2009

rain rain stay today

I am awake. 4:21 am. Been awake for about 73 minutes.

I have no idea why. Well, I can speculate about a few reasons.

I have a newborn who sleeps most of the night without waking up and this terrifies me. (I know I shouldn't complain about such things. But he is so tiny and I worry he might forget to tell his heart to beat or something)

I'm used to waking up in the middle of the night due to being huge and pregnant and completely uncomfortable. But I'm not really pregnant anymore - someone tell my sleep clock.

I have a lot in my mind - always - and when I wake up, I often cannot stop thinking.

I know what woke me this morning. A sound I haven't heard in weeks - I know its been at least three, maybe more. It actually took me a minute to identify it.

Rain. (Rain) on a hot (shingled) roof. What an amazing blessing.

I almost woke Paul up and made him come play in it with me. But I'm working on being a little bit less selfish when it comes to him - I have a tendency to be self-sacrificing when it comes to his emotions, but very, very selfish when it comes to his physical well-being. If I'm awake, why shouldn't he be, etc. I'm trying to be more conscious of it, though.

I'm so glad for the rain - mainly because of the plants - but hopefully it will also cool off our lives a little bit. My poor little people are bouncing off the walls these days because its just too hot to spend a significant amount of time outside. And its only July 6th. Can we make it to September 6th - when perhaps there will be a day when the high is 73 and we'll feel like its the middle of winter and we'll put on jeans and sweaters and by 2 pm be sweating our tails off?

I think I probably still cannot sleep - maybe I'll play in the rain all alone.

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