04 December 2010

An Open Letter

Dear Methamphetamine Users:

Please stop using methamphetamines. I understand that you enjoy them, and your life has, up until this point, put you in a position that means that drugs actually seem a good idea. . Yes, your teeth will rot, and your relationships will be ruined. But, I'm not going to belittle you with the usual arguments, however cogent. I'm here to beg. If you won't quit for you, please quit for me and all those of whom I'm representative.

How is your meth use affecting me?
You object to relevance?
I plead for a little latitude from the judge. I'll get there. Give me two shakes of a something or other.

Well, it's simple, really. Because you use meth, your drug suppliers make meth. It's basic supply and demand. Even meth-users understand supply and demand, right? Right.

So, since you use, there is demand for it. So, there becomes a supply for it. Because all drug dealers are in it for the money. Right. So that's easy.

So, if you quit using meth, what will happen? The answer is C) The suppliers of meth will move onto a different drug, because of the premises above - they are only in it for the money, and without demand, they can make no money.

With me so far? Good.

Now, if there is no demand and no supply, then perhaps, just maybe, I can be helped.

Each winter, I get a mammoth cold, which usually turns into a sinus infection, sore throat, and as of late, an ear ache. It also causes my most-days-a-week headaches with which I'm used to living to turn into bitches of headaches. There is no other word for it. For about three weeks now, I have had a bitch of a headache. And a faceache. Faceaches did not exist in Eden, I tell you.

It's Satan's fault, Adam's fault, and Eve's fault. But you, meth-user, can help repair the effects of the fall. You can, really.

Quit using. Demand dries up. Supply dries up.

And the fact that I took my last three pseudoephedrine last night will mean I have to run to Walgreens, not that I have to leave the state to get some more.

Yes, because of you, Meth-User, I have to leave the state or go to the doctor to get an effective, cheap decongestant.

(See, judge, I told you I could connect it back up).

Now, there is definitely a flaw in my plan. There is no doubt that if the meth-users as a group had never become users in the first place, my blessed pseudoephedrine would be a hop, skip and a jump around the corner. But the first rule of philosophical argument (well, maybe the fifth or so), is that you cannot assume the inverse. (The inverse of "If x then y" is "If not x, then not y")

See, my plan assumes that the Mississippi State Legislature, after seeing the usage of, and consequently manufacturing of, methamphetamines plummet, would repeal their stupid "need a prescription" law about the little red pills I call my best friends. But in America, and in our great State, lawmakers are loathe to repeal measures, even if it shows that by so doing, they can increase freedom, and the original threat that caused them to restrict freedom is now null.

But, if, you, Meth-User, will quit using meth, I'll lead the charge to have the law repealed. I'll march up hill in the snow both ways with all three of my young 'ns down to the state capitol. (I already live in the capital, it's not that far.)

You and me, kid. It's up to us. People with chronic congestion everywhere will thank us.

We could be heroes. For more than one day! (Name that awesome song... Ewan is your hint)

But, it has to start with you. I cannot lead my charge until you quit your meth. If I could, I would, but I cannot.

Just say no to drugs, so I can say yes to mine.


Ann Lowrey Forster, afflicted Mississippi resident.